Seeing "Through a glass darkly"--Our Mortal Condition (or, we need all the help we can get)

The other day, Shy and Katscratchme were discussing issues with regard to dealing with their spouses. The following article offers some interesting insights for spouses and as well as for other relationships. The Knight and I enjoyed a discussion of the article as we were driving somewhere to do some CSM thing recently. The article appeared in Meridian Magazine within the last month or so. It is definitely food for thought.

Will I Ever Receive His Image in My Countenance?By H. Wallace Goddard


Alma surrendered his civil leadership so that he could minister to the spiritual well-being of the people. He traveled the cities and villages giving the polished message recorded in Alma 5. Though Alma did not have the technology to deliver his speech to all the people at once, he did deliver the same powerful invitation to people all over the land. I think of this as one of the earliest recorded General Conference addresses.

In Alma’s great speech to the people, he suggested that one of the evidences of spiritual re-birth is to have Jesus’ image in our countenances (Alma 5:14). I have been both inspired and burdened by that expectation. I want to radiate like Jesus. I want people to see Him in me. But, when I look in the mirror, I don’t see any hint of His remarkable goodness. I see tired eyes and a profusion of wrinkles.

Since I have a great talent for self-accusation, I have assumed that I am not really spiritually reborn. I may have had powerful spiritual experiences, I may love Him dearly, but my cankered soul has not yet yielded to the mighty change.

New Revelation

I am grateful for the opportunity I have of teaching Institute in the Little Rock area. When it came time for us to study Alma’s great plea for spiritual renewal, I begged God to open my mind and heart so I could understand his meaning. I studied and pondered. I continued to love the chapter but still felt more accused than encouraged by Alma’s description of the changed soul.

It wasn’t until we were in the middle of the lesson on a Wednesday evening in early March in the Relief Society room of the chapel that God gave the answer I had sought. Suddenly God made the connection between Alma’s words and the practical reality.

The Background

The world’s best scholar on marriage is arguably John Gottman. I have read and studied his books. I regularly use his materials in both writing and teaching.

In Relationship Cure (2001), Gottman suggested that many ordinary behaviors are really bids for connection. When I ask Nancy if she would like to go to Home Depot with me, I am not requesting help with loading lumber. I am really telling her that I love to be with her and would be delighted to have her accompany me to one of my favorite places. I am making a bid for connection.

Very often we miss the significance of these invitations. Maybe Nancy asks me if I would like to take a walk with her. If I am in a foul mood, I might respond: “Are you saying that I am a lazy slob, that I need more exercise, and you don’t approve of my reading newsmagazines?”

YIKES! We can be so absorbed in our own thoughts and feelings that we hardly see a partner’s loving intent. We respond to invitation with insult. When we respond to a bid for connection in such a harsh way, Gottman calls it “turning against.”

I might respond to Nancy’s invitation in a gentler, but still self-focused way. I might shrug, sigh, and announce with non-verbals that I really don’t want to go. Gottman calls this “turning away.” I suspect that we do a lot of this with family and friends. They invite us into their lives and we shrug them off.

There is a third alternative. Imagine that, in response to Nancy’s invitation, I say, “I love doing things with you, Dear.” Maybe I jump up and join her in a walk. Yet my warm response does not require that I take the walk. Maybe my back is hurting or I’m in the middle of something pressing. But I can respond to a bid for connection by “turning toward” Nancy. Maybe I say, “I love doing things with you, Dear. I just need to finish this project, but as soon as I’m done, let’s spend some time together.” I can respond to her message of love by offering a message of love. I can turn toward her whole-heartedly and appreciatively. I can embrace her invitation.

As I thought about “turning toward,” it seemed that maybe that is exactly what Alma meant when he asked if we have Jesus’ image in our countenance. I think he means that we welcome their invitation into their lives, and offer grace, goodness, and appreciation in return. Turning toward people may be the sign that Jesus is in our hearts and souls.

Jesus as the Perfect Model

Jesus life was filled with turning toward His confused and troubled siblings. One of my favorite examples is Jesus’ dealings with the sinful woman in the house of Simon the Pharisee (Luke 7:36-50). While Simon and his hard-hearted buddies judged and condemned both Jesus and the woman, Jesus “turned to the woman,” pointed out her generosity of spirit and “said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven” (v. 48).

At least ten times in scripture we are told that, in spite of our wickedness, “his hand is stretched out still.” That is His attitude, His posture, His stance. He is reaching for us—even when He has reason to turn away or turn against us. In Elder Maxwell’s powerful words: “His relentless redemptiveness exceeds [our] recurring wrongs” (“Jesus of Nazareth, Savior and King,” Ensign, May 1976, 26).

He is always turning toward us whether we turn toward Him, turn away from Him, or turn against Him. When we, like Him, turn lovingly and redemptively toward our brothers and sisters, then we have His image in our countenance.

The older meaning of the word countenance included far more than our facial expression; it meant our bearing or behavior. Thus God invites us to turn squarely toward the people in our lives, to see them redemptively—as He does, and to stand ready to serve them gladly.

When a neighbor needs help with a home repair, I can turn toward that neighbor and that need. When a friend seems burdened, I can turn squarely toward him and open my arms. When a fellow saint is not living up to my ideal of gospel standards, I can avoid turning against with scolding and lectures or turning away with an attitude of judgment, and instead turn toward that child of God with love and encouragement. When someone irritates or offends me, I can turn toward that person with acceptance and forgiveness.

That is what He would do. That is what He would have me do to radiate more of what He is.

An Irony and Trap Along the Way

As we read about turning toward others, we may instinctively think of others’ failures to do that for us. We may wish that our parents, spouses, bosses, co-workers, and friends had His image in their countenances! Yet Alma did not ask whether the people around us have experienced the mighty change; he asked whether we had. In His ministry, Jesus—our model--was gracious and redemptive with both those who were gracious and those who were not. He asks that we turn toward others regardless of whether they turn toward us, turn away from us, or turn against us.

In family relations, this is a terribly important idea. I often hear people tell me that they have tried everything to get their spouses engaged and involved in their marriages. I readily grant that some spouses are remote and inflexible. I have also observed that many of us really haven’t tried everything. We have tried the thing that we think should work and we have done it over and over again in spite of its demonstrated ineffectiveness. We get frustrated and we blame the failure on recalcitrant spouses.

For example, I can get mad at my beloved Nancy for being so engaged in Relief Society work that I feel neglected. But getting mad at her is not an effective way of pulling her into my life. If I can adopt the mind of Christ, I know that I should approach her humbly, kindly, and lovingly: “Sweetheart, when you get so involved in Relief Society, I feel left out. I miss you. I get lonely. I would like to do more things with you.”

Rather than conclude that our spouses are hopelessly dull when they do not respond to our bids for connection, we can refine, clarify, and sweeten our invitations. In other words, we can repent. Repenting ourselves is always better than condemning our spouses. It is also more consistent with Jesus’ commands.

At the same time, we can work to be more sensitive to our spouses’ bids for connection. They may be inviting us into our lives in ways we fail to recognize. We can pray for Heaven to give us discerning eyes so that we see and appreciate our spouses’ invitations.

Turning Toward

When my dear wife invites me to take a walk, I plan to jump up and take her hand. And when Jesus reaches towards me with enlightenment, an invitation, or any opportunity to more deeply connect, I plan to fully turn toward Him instead of mentally sighing and turning toward a book, a TV program, or a hobby.

Someday I hope to develop His image in my countenance. I now know how.

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. The father hoped his son would gain a better perspective about all that he had provided for the family. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How did you enjoy our trip?"
"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah." said the son.

"So, tell me, what did you learn from this trip?" asked the father.

The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, and they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."

Perspective is an amazing thing.

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(The above appeared in an article by Vickey Pahnke Taylor at Meridian Magazine this morning. I just had to share it because too often we have a somewhat skewed view of things, and need to be reminded about "things as they really are" -- including what is truly most valuable and important in our lives.)

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A 3-Day Experiment

What follows are excerpts from an article that appeared in Meridian Magazine and also in The Church News today. Notice how the "experiment" was only for three days. Notice also how only one small encounter per day was requested. ....In a talk at BYU-Idaho this week, Elder Russell M. Nelson’s wife, Wendy Watson Nelson, emphasized the importance of being holy and inviting the Holy Ghost into one's life. She said that she recently e-mailed six women, ages 25 to 65, and asked them to try an experiment to do with holiness.

"I wrote, 'In thinking about how to learn about holiness, I was wondering if, for just three days, you would be willing to, just once a day, purposefully choose one activity a day and try to be more holy while doing it or to do it as a holy woman? For example, you might try welcoming your husband home, or making dinner, or reading to a child, or exercising, or eating one meal, or talking with a friend, or shopping, or praying, or doing laundry. How would a holy woman do that?" said Sister Nelson.

The thoughtful responses Sister Nelson received helped her understand the difference a desire to be holy can make.

One woman wrote about her experience with the most troublesome task she usually had during the day: brushing her 4-year-old's teeth. She said that she pictured the Savior in the room with her and felt an immense difference.

"Suddenly, I had more patience. I didn't bark orders. I felt like I had more influence over the situation. I could step back and almost see, well, how would a holy woman handle this situation?" wrote the woman to Sister Nelson.

Many of the women expressed that, after the experiment, they felt that being holy was not such an unreachable goal. They noticed how the desire to be holy affected their lives and wanted to continue to improve being more holy in their everyday lives.

"I believe that if we are really going to do what we came here to do, and that the Lord is counting on us to do, that we need to seek in every way we can to be more holy, to invite more holiness into our lives so that we really can, as the forces around us are increasing in intensity, have an equal and opposite reaction to those forces," Sister Nelson said.

Sister Nelson said that whatever it took in the past years to have a strong marriage, great family and a great life, would not be sufficient now. "I've even started to believe that what was enough last year won't be enough for this year, not as the forces around us are increasing in intensity," she said.

"It is my testimony, sisters, that it is time. It is time to take time to be holy. It is time to pray for the Lord to help us to be holy," she said. "I know the Lord is counting on us to do exactly what we said we would do that we signed up for premortally. The only way to do the things you said you would is to be increasingly holy."

Postscript from The Thinker: I think Wendy also gave us (intentionally or not) the way to go about transforming our lives: begin by trying just one small act of holiness per day, gradually increase to maybe two per day, and so on, until responding in a holy manner becomes second nature.

Insights on Adam and Eve

Since we are studying the Old Testament in Gospel Doctrine this year, Meridian Magazine (http://www.ldsmag.com/) published an article about Eve today, titled, “The Wisdom and Intelligence of Eve,” written by James T. Summerhays. It was a great article with intriguing insights which should elevate the sometimes mundane or humdrum class discussions about Adam and Eve and The Fall.

Some of the assertions from the article: (1) Eve was not “tricked” by the serpent. (2) Eve was a wise prophetess and seer. (3) Paradoxically, Adam’s instruction to “rule over” Eve really meant that he was to be her servant!

1. Eve was not “tricked” by the serpent.

The original Hebrew word that was translated as beguile … suggests Eve underwent a deep internal process; she weighed, pondered, and reflected upon the ramifications of partaking of the fruit before she did so.

A second witness to the original meaning of beguile is given by the prophet Lehi, who makes commentary on the Adam and Eve story from a record much earlier than anything the King James translators had to work with—namely, the brass plates. Lehi explains that Eve was enticed by the tree of knowledge of good and evil that stood in opposition to the tree of life (2 Nephi 2:15–16). In other words, she wanted it; she chose it over the other. And it was a good tree, not inherently evil in any way. Notice all the positive terms in Genesis 3:6—“And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat.”

2. Eve was a wise prophetess and seer.

The word saw in this verse comes from the Hebrew word ra’ah, which has direct relation and root to the Hebrew word ro’eh, which means seer or vision. Such word play, which is common in Hebrew, suggests that Eve had a prophetic spirit and may have received seeric revelation from God as part of her tutoring in the garden.

Eve, who rightly may be seen as a wise prophetess and seer, came to realize that all those things—the knowledge of good and evil, the sorrow of probation, the ability to bear children—were necessary to receiving the wisdom of, and becoming like, the Gods (2 Nephi 2:22–24; Gen. 3:22). So she ate of the fruit and, technically speaking, transgressed God’s word. But in reality, she had reached into the mind of God. She saw, after partaking, that he had intended for her to eat of the forbidden fruit all along (Moses 5:11).

3. Adam’s instruction to “rule over” Eve really meant that he was to be her servant.
The original Hebrew meaning of mashal (rule) is “to have” or “to have dominion,” but it also means “to liken,” “to resemble,” and “to become like.” This intimates that Adam’s ruling meant he presided only under principles of unity and equality, and that he was to strive to “resemble” the virtues of Eve and thus “become like” her. President Gordon B. Hinckley further explained that Adam’s “ruling over” Eve as stated in Genesis means “to responsibly provide for, to protect, to strengthen and shield [his] wife.” President Spencer W. Kimball quipped: “We have heard of men who have said to their wives, ‘I hold the priesthood and you’ve got to do what I say.’ Such a man should be tried for his membership.”

It is as if God is saying here, “Sorry, Adam, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to place you at the head of the woman, which of course means you are the servant of the woman and a doulos—a slave to the woman.” In fact, Christ goes on to give the same concept about his own station in life: “Even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many people” (Mark 10:45; NIV).

This is a mere sampling from the article. I hope you will find time to read the whole article. (See the web address in the first paragraph above. It was the lead article on Friday, Jan. 8.) Food for thought, indeed.